I am...

fit to be tied.

I am disgusted. Imagine resorting to eating a green banana, topped with crunchy peanut butter, this early on a Sunday. Hope I don’t get diarrhea.

After spending a week doing bedside vigil all night at a hospital, where I was innocently lured to the vending machine, by bait of the free lukewarm coffee, I had to face the consequences. The results are quite obvious and demoralizing. This evening I gauged the damage incurred. I stepped on the scale, appalled at reading, then proceeded to take off my jeans, and tennis shoes off. I gained four lbs., yet I figured I am due my monthly episode in the following days, that makes my weight fluctuate.

Some people go to “Happy Hour” post a stressful week at work. Me? The craving for carbs is what does me in. Imagine a bakery almost adjacent to the gym I attend. That is what I did Friday evening, post work…head directly to the bakery for a brownie and coffee (sugar free). I figured, while working out, I would burn it off…right?
Then I went shopping…my sugar rush gone, and I’m ambulating to the cookie and chocolate section of the Market. I could not help myself…I grabbed the chocolate chips cookies and put it in my cart, as well as a chocolate bar. I could vividly anticipate the melting of chocolate in the warm cavity of my mouth, only equivalent in pleasure to exploring the warm cavity of the mouth of a lover; so warm, wet, and luscious. So, so good.

I only teased. I left the cookies and chocolate on the shelve next to the cash register. I was merely fantasying. I think I am fit to be tied. My arms and legs tied to the bedposts….while I am fed intravenously. Or while you have your way with me, while I am fed…

Why men love bitches

<:before marriage

.

after: >

"Why Men Love Bitches"? Dear let me count the innumerable ways. This book of same title is valuable artillery; especially when navigating the dating world online. Its premise is that men revert to childhood when interacting in romantic arena.

Men are simply children who need to be trained, chastised, put on time-out, face the corner wall, and strung along as well.

I don’t usually believe everything at face value, but when put into practice, I think the author nailed it right on the head. You don’t have the time (want) to fix things? Well will just as a hunk to come by and fix it instead. No need to argue, for you see, actions do speak louder than words. You seem oblivious that something is amiss and think we don’t know, you do know? Not any more baby.

Case in point: Few weeks ago, I went to Jacuzzi at gym. There is only 1 great jet stream that really works wonders on shoulders. This jet is on corner of said Jacuzzi. A man comes over and sits on my right side edge and nonchalantly extends his legs out, with his feet out, .say about three feet from my face. During this, he is talking to his buddy about Christ Almighty...some other BS. I politely mentioned to him that doing that was grossly inconsiderate; and he was not going to intimidate me into leaving that choice spot like that. Well...in summary not only did it get nasty...I gave him a verbal trashing, that made him red faced in front of his buddies, and witnesses alike. He thought he was going to intimidate me? HELLO! I surfaced from the Jacuzzi, I then sat on edge on pool and enjoyed 30 minutes extra foot pressure on the soles of my feet. No matter that I was late to work 30 min that morning....no matter. Guess who left the Jacuzzi with his tail between his legs 1st? He left a better man for it..... Surely.

You do you need a bitch in your life. You need the drama, and made to put-out, spend your money, struggle to get into her pants, in fact labor for it, as well as doubt yourself worth... In the end you will be a better man for it.

Not a business proposal

Did you ever have a teddy bear, which talked back to you when you pressed a button?

I intend to capitalize from a venture similar in concept; that is of utility, and virtual reality enjoyment to its end user. I am planning to develop a top quality, virtual girlfriend.

I know there are similar life size dolls on the market. However, my version would be extra special. Mine would fill an emotional need; which obviously merely inflatable dolls – as well as insipid women – do not.

Before you scoff at this idea, simply consider the benefits. For only 6 easy monthly payments, you can use her for the car pool lane. She will not nag, bitch, nor drain your wallet. She will not go through recurring episodes of PMS, nor have need for birth control, condoms, food, drink, sanitary napkins, make-up, or need to control you.
She will always be in the mood, and she will raise your…self esteem as well!

My prototype would have the following characteristics for your consideration:

-Wholesome, saucy, girl-next-door type.
-Soft, pliant plastic, similar in look and comparable in texture to human skin.
-always erect nipples in pink or brown color, choice is quarter size, or dollar coin circumference, as well as breast cup size.
- accessorized with lightly musky scented lubricant, with waif of vanilla blend.

Operating features controlled via wireless remote:
- suction motion mechanism for her mouth, as well as squeezing, and alternating shuddering mechanism for her vagina.
- Computerized verbal stimulus directed at user, modulated through remote control, based on choice of scenario. This similar to MP3 player, with interchangeable, and re-usable SB memory card. Per example, the pre-recorded greetings would be as follows:

- After work greeting: “Hi baby! How was your day? Does top management realize how lucky they are to have you? I mean, not only are you super smart, and talented, as well as a great problem solver, PLUS! You’re cute too!! You’ve got style, charisma, and loads of sex appeal! (sighs), “I feel soooo lucky to be your girl, and rely on your strength and wisdom…(sigh). I’m yours, and yours alone.”

- During blow jobs: “You taste soo yummy, I LOVE YOUR COCK! I just want to devour you, and drink every single drop of your cum!...... mmmm you taste soooo good!” As well as gruntal deep-throat sounds emitted, which result in pleasant vibrating stimulus to your penis.

-During sex: “Oh baby, that feels sooooo good! I LOVE how your cock feels inside of me...give it to me FASTER!... HARDER! I love to be your slut, you make me sooo hot for you! Please don’t make me beg for you cock, please, please, don’t pull it out….I need it sooo badly, or I’ll go insane!…Wait! Let me get on my hands and knees! I LOVE IT when you fok me doggie style! Oooh, oooh,…ooooooooh!!” Besides, during simulated orgasms, her near the throes-of-death moaning, will rival that of the orgasm scene of: “When Harry Met Sally.”

- Post sex dialogue: “That was totally awesome baby! (sighs), My orgasms were super intense! You’re the best! (muahh), I love you!” Ok, maybe love is over the top, but you must consider this is guerilla marketing strategy; I need to develop kick-ass product to beat the competition.

Other products which will be in production as well include, firm cushions simulating female posterior, with special compartment for your……cell phone. I will also develop, big cushiony pillows resembling breasts with a deep cleavage, made of skin-tone fabric, with nipples in choice of pink or brown shade.

In order to be competitive, I would offer top quality product at moderate profit margin. To save on production cost, I will record the above posted dialogue myself, emulating sultry, sexy voice of phone sex operators.


Caution: not recommended to fall in love with prototype, made in China products do have frequent recalls.

snug vagina looking for thoughtful penis

Hello! Nice to meet you! I am so lonely , I am sweet in scent and taste so good too! I am very warm, lush, and very sensitive. I simply gush when I am extremely elated, so I hope that you are a penis with a sense of humor. I like to work out, which leaves me drenched in perisperation. I also like to adorn myself, and play with my toys! I have a raging appetive as well. I need to be fed three times a day, with intervals of course. I have a very sensitive spot for you to caress, will guide you to it, once we get properly acquainted. Oh, I can't wait to give you a tight, welcoming embrace! I am ready to accomodate you in my next available time slot.

Please be hard working, attentive, and know that my needs supersede yours…

do you deliver?

Do you have a newspaper route? If so, I would like to establish a peculiar type of delivery a few times per week. I want you to come into my bedroom, and arouse me to orgasm, while I am still asleep.

I will leave front door unlocked for you to enter, on the specified early mornings we arrange that you will come. The night before, I will have taken a hot shower, followed by thorough skin moisturizing. I will then wear a short teddy, sans panties, this for easier access. Unless it is cold, then I will wear a sweatshirt over my teddy. Must be established this will not be reciprocated, as I will be asleep, or perhaps pretend to be so. You may induce these orgasms manually or orally - no intercourse. Besides, you have to get back to work on your route anyway! If manually, please don’t overtly rub my clit, it is so very, very sensitive! You must coax it out of its shell, this by making sure I am well lubricated…how to achieve this, I should not have to inform you of. Will hint though, that I have very sensitive nipples, and yes, you may feast on my luscious breasts too. My back is super sensitive to touch as well, teasing me there…gives me chills up and down my body.

For your trouble, I will have left automated coffee machine to brew fresh coffee by the time you arrive, as well as cookies and gas money on the kitchen table. Think of it, as a warming coffee break. A break from the monotony of the route that you must partake in; as you venture out so early in the cold and dark mornings.

I need you

I simply…and irrevocably love you. I exude your scent, mingled with my natural secretions, and perspiration -- your essence permeates my very being. I keep part of you tucked away, in the deepest recesses of my body. I grip you tightly, and refuse to let go of you…as a reminder. I need to feel you all over me, daily -- sometimes twice. We have a long history together, you and I.

I loved how you soothingly caressed me, from my forehead, to the tips my toes, even in between those too. I particularly loved it when you teased my nipples erect with butterfly strokes…sometimes a little rougher. I loved to share my secret garden with you. You did not need to coax my legs open; I eagerly open those for you -- wantonly. You seemed aloof at times, elusive and fickle...slipping just out of my reach occassionally; that drove me crazy sometimes. Although your teasing has culminated several times in shuddering and even multiple orgasms, I felt so guilty afterwards. I felt guilty for using you for my selfish pleasure, while I did not reciprocate. Please forgive me.

You know me so well, more than anyone else. You were my confessor; a session with you left me feeling absolved of my sins -- redeemed, and uplifted. Together we advanced through the filth of Downtown Los Angeles, the pollution we encounter daily, the psychological and environmental debris. I want to thank you for all the times you have protected me, shielded me from cutting remarks, as well as everlasting scars those leave behind. Though I will not forget you, and I will substitute you for another perhaps, do know it is you I long to have inside and all over me.

You are gone now...and I need to find a replacement for you.


So, does anyone have like a spare bar of soap?

Stop...

...sending me naughty e-mails. I must confess that I peeked at a few during work day, and could not help but to orgasms right there in my office, without even touching myself. Do not worry, the only tell tale sign was the blush on my face. This is the advantage of being female.

Upon glancing at pictures and feedback of some very nice men, a thought kept intruding in my mind. I recalled an Italian movie, about a widow in a provincial town who took a shy lover. The plot evolved that men in that town came to seek her favors. Her reputation grew in the small town, as more of a comforter, teacher, healer, therapist.

For obvious reasons, be them health wise, moral, or safety issues, this would be but a mere fantasy. As a widow myself, I can relate. The sexual experience is there, and don’t we all have needs? To be able to use the feminine force to pleasure, heal, comfort, disperse unconditional love and acceptance, guide in matters of the heart, offer encouragement, sexual expertise, and simply listen with empathy would be in fact an altruistic endeavor.
Yet society has demonized our sexuality, and this would not be acceptable. So let’s just stay with the fantasy concept for now. The men I would make love to would be the most deserving. Not the ones with the moola necessarily, for in reality men do not hold the purse strings anymore. Little girls don’t harbor now fantasies of prince charming in a white horse, to sweep them off their feet into happily ever after. Now girls’ dreams harbor acquiring power for themselves; for such power can be intoxicating. So if the power held for so long solely in the purse strings for survival, where is it now? Where it has always been, in between a woman’s legs. Think about it. What is the motivational force which galvanizes commerce, the tenet of advertising, the beauty sector, and luxury toys etc, even one of Maslow’s hierarchy of needs? It is love. Getting pussy is what motivates men to be successful. Some men sent pictures of their fancy cars, as well detail the many luxuries acquired in life, which without an enraptured audience to applaud such feats, would depreciate somewhat in satisfaction.

For this to be an altruistic endeavor, and to fully utilize my psychic, intuitive, mental, and physical attributes and faculties to heightened levels, it would entail making love to the ones that deserve it most. The one that lost his job, or a loved one. A soldier broken down psychologically, as well as physically. The one in pain, to which a soothing, caressing, and thorough massage would alleviate such pain. The one in despair who is lonely and would simply like to be held and listened to. I would let him cry if he felt need to; for crying truly alleviates a great burden. I could be a mother, a whore, a friend.

I've felt sadness when I‘ve read some e-mails from men who think they are perhaps past their prime. With the advances in medicine, that is not true at all! If nothing else, I would straddle your lap for you to feast on my breasts; they are warm, full, and delicious. Perhaps that would motivate you to gently guide me back on to the kitchen table and to indulge in another type of spread. After a while, this has encouraged you enough to tell me to turn over on my tummy, for you have other intentions in mind. I would he happy to oblige, for it would give me pleasure, for you to enjoy pleasure.

I truly wish I could do this unselfishly, well not really as I would get multiple orgasms of it as well….but alas, it cannot be…will have to settle for just one …or, this being a fantasy, I would do you!

Whoever said....

... that you can’t live on love alone…? Was worried about missing on the post Thanksgiving sales!

I heard someone greet this morning as: “Just another day.” I am hoping to meet through this venue a valiant man who is tired of the rat race. Let’s unite resources and create our very own version of “The Robinson Family,” or even “Gilligan’s Island.”

What will you miss most? The traffic jams? The uncontrollable increment in gas prices, which exponentially affect the cost of food and cost of living? The variable interest rates? Perhaps you will miss the smog, and the rudeness of people who will trample over others to get theirs 1st? Will you miss the safety and camaraderie of the herd of cattle mentality? Or the BS rhetoric served with diluted version of the truth, along ample side of ambiguity? Why not consider changing the discordant street beat, for the symphony of nature, in harmony with Mother Earth? I am thinking of the rain forest in Costa Rica, or the Amazon Jungle. We can meet the glorious sunrise while watching out for school of pink dolphins playfully splash. Instead of a neurotic Chihuahua dog, we can adopt the smallest monkey on earth, the Pygmy Marmoset, which only weighs 6 ounces.

Do not worry too much about culture shock. China made products, Coca Cola, and internet access have infiltrated just about everywhere on earth. Although I think in the Amazon jungle it would be incongruously out of place to shave my pussy. I would not. Although, I hope you would not confuse this part of my anatomy with the plethora of hairy tarantulas which dangle from the trees. I would adopt an ultra minimalist décor, as well as frugal wardrobe -- no more skipping panties. The red ants inherent to this area, measure half an inch in length, and should not to be taken lightly.

With the advancement of technology we can work from anywhere. Raw nature being especially fertile ground; conductive to feed creative juices, as well as those of the primal sexual kind. There are potent aphrodisiacal syrups offered as commonly as coffee at Starbucks.

Speaking of cafes, there are plenty of tourist from all over the world in town, or we can socialize with native tribes, which have own dialect, and the norm is going topless for men as well as women.

As for myself, I would dearly miss Skippy Chunky peanut butter, The Daily Show, and mascara. Yet I am sure our love and creativity would sustain us. So what do you say? Living in this fashion would be an authentic reality, compared to what the media dictates will make one happy as long as we purchase it. If you get homesick, no worries...we can fly back for the holidays and wait 9 hours for LAX to clear customs...provided there are no other layover setbacks. For consideration, be single, over 35 and have an audacious mind set. Let's be citizens of the world!

willing to trade

...my body, for your lies. Simply that.

I will expose myself, naked and vulnerable for your pleasure, if you lie that you love me. You must be convincing though, not dashing out the door post sex, or it would be the end of ...our charade. Is it pathetic? What do you care, if you get something out of it? Since delving into online dating site, I've found it lots of fun. What better way to get over heartache when one enters a virtual realm, this of diverse inventory of men of all various types? It's like a candy store, or rather a Popsicle store. I have tried the dating scene, and frankly, I abhor trivial chit chat. I am a very intense person, and that intensity is heightened during love-making. What would you get for all your trouble to play-act? Well more than a memorable fuck I assure you. I am a natural chameleon, easily adaptable to almost any circumstance, place, and people of all spheres. I am exotic in looks, tastes, and ideas. I am strong of character and endurance, and would be willing to experiment with you certain games, as I do have curious nature. Although a menage trois, I think not. Wait!.....2 men? hmmm .....that is way too much work, never mind. I have never delved into S & M play, although I am drawn to that type of erotica reading. Would not mind going to a club since I am voyeuristic. I like oral. Not exagerating, I find it akin to a pacifier, or a popsicle. Think I probably sucked my thumb when I was an infant. Have considered confronting my mom someday, and ask her if she ever breast fed me. I think being lost in suffle of six, with me being in the middle, contributed to my competetiveness, playing with make-believe friends when little, and my proclivity for oral. We might even play house occasionally, since I am a superb cook, masseuse, and when in generous disposition, like to pamper as well (pedicures). Guess that is too antiquated, yet it is a sort of game to me. A girl knows since 5 yrs old how to wrap men around her little finger...starting with dad of course.

What motivated to write this post tonight, is that while having dinner, I felt a pang of envy. Saw two couples, displaying public signs of affection to each other. It was nauseating. Spare me while I'm trying to digest my "loco salad." The girl was kind of homely, and her b/f resembled a Tuby Tubber, yet in truth, I was envious. Envy is not pretty.

What would work for me, is not a picture of your genitalia for starters. You must have finesse, and a positive vibe. I would not mesh well with someone who is jaded, mean-spirited, or those who have prefontral cortex impairment. If you are married please do not bother to e-mail. That being said, it should be established that it will be transitory, mutually rewarding, and although you may have my body for those infamous 11 minutes Paulo Coelho wrote about, my mind may be elsewhere in time, possibly with another man.