40 days

Saturday was the last day of my self-imposed 40 day, spiritual retreat. I heard somewhere that it takes 21 days to wean off a bad habit. Today, although I could have had anything I wanted to eat, I was very modest in my food choices. I just varied with half portion of fresh baked bollilo bread, and overall, maintained the same food intake.

Was it even worth all this self denial for 40 days? Of course there is an effect for every action taken. Not only did I lose seventeen pounds, but have had a change of attitude. I have employed the concept of putting myself in others’ shoes, and being aware of how I made them feel. Sort of like third person viewing the event, objectively.

I also started taking responsibility for myself, no more excuses. I am more aware than ever, I’ve been so full of myself. Sometimes I’ve been a royal bitch, without considering that if I made someone feel bad, that person too carried that anger towards another in his vicinity, it was a chain reaction.

I am deeply humbled, introspective, and observant of myself and of others. I will choose not cop out by adopting the victim role anymore. Whatever comes my way, I know there is a lesson hidden somewhere, a test of myself, and I will maneuver the slick road ahead with caution. Sure I will bitch about it, but I will face my contribution to such outcome. I will not dodge responsibility, and will take action necessary to remedy the situation, because then I am in control, not a self delusional victim.

I am far from good. I am merely human. First thing I did Sunday morning was masturbate, because darn it - it feels good!