Wonderland XIX

The morning's sunlight filtered through the curtain and caressed Jenny's cheek.

Her eyes were offended by the the harsh light beaming onto them, as she slowly rose her sore body off the bed.

Under the torrent of warm water, her thoughts sought clarity. Today was a very special day, and there were lots of loose ends to entertain.

As Jenny dried herself, and cleared the steam off the bathroom mirror, she caught a glimpse of herself. Did she look any different now that she was about to meet Andrew again?

She certainly felt different.

Her eyes spoke of a newly acquired maturity, and a deeper sense of self. This arrived through an unconventional way.

Since the night that Robert and herself had made love - with the full knowledge that there was an elephant in the room - Robert had changed dramatically in his behavior towards her.

This stark change was highlighted during their lovemaking. Where areas he had been a solicitous and tender lover, now she frequently encountered a darker side of him, which he implemented in his play.

From the tender and sensuous lover he had always been, Robert became almost sadistic in his repertoire. It was as if he wanted to punish her, or to exorcise his personal demons, while converting her in someway.

It was so confusing at times, for he seemed to fuse pleasure with pain. The tender kisses escalated into corporal punishment, hair pulling, and sometimes even in the exploration of uncharted territory.

Jenny attempted to understand him. She figured that she deserved it in someway.
He was marking his territory much like a dog does, for when she asked him why he was so hurtful, he'd said that he was showing her the difference between being with a boy, and a seasoned man.

What she did not like to participate in, was in his ocassional sadistic mind games.
The time he had blindfolded her and restrained her spread eagle to a bed, she had endured much hardship. This hardship was more mental then physical, as it derived from her extreme fear and dislike of being enslaved again.

To be honest she said to herself, as she leaned into the mirror, if he had not induced heightened sexual pleasure along with the pain, she would not have endure it another day. Perhaps this was the darker side of love. It embodied the opposite of what she promulgated about freedom and unselfish love.

Yet we are only too human with follies and weaknesses, and one had to love others' in spite of those. The more human we became Jenny thought, the more we resembled dogs in such a way. By jealously marking our territory, or fighting rabidly for a bone. Or simply by perpetuating enduring loyalty, even to those abusive in form.

The latter deeply disturbed Jenny, and this in part made her contemplate lots of other things about herself, and about the pain she had caused, and where she needed to be.

-"Good morning! Come here." Robert called from the bed. In broad daylight, he was his usual loving self, as he bestowed a sweet kiss of her lips. -"Let's get some breakfast, and then I have to make some errands before we take our flight this evening."

-"Robert I was thinking, why don't we spend the whole day together? Can't you leave your errands for another day after we come back from Andrew's graduation? I would really like that." Jenny said with intent.

-"Why do I detect a note of anxiety in your voice Jenny? What's the matter?"

-"Robert, this will probably be our last day together as lovers.
After I return from Andrew's graduation, I have decided to leave." Jenny said.

-"Leave? Where to? When will you be back?" Robert said in a defensive tone, as he stood up to get dressed.

-"I'm going to spend this summer in my native country. I am going to confront my mother, as to why she sold me into slavery, and perhaps - I hope - to forgive her and move on.

I have signed up as a volunteer with an international organization which monitors human trafficking. I will do that the rest of the summer, and come fall, I am going to college in Ohio. They were impressed with my story of how I overcame child enslavement and seek to further my education, so I will be there for the next two years.

I will go to seek myself Robert, and step away from this embroilment which I have caused. I hope that you find it in your heart to forgive me for any injury that I may have caused you, and that you seek new opportunities for yourself.

I will talk to Andrew when I see him and explain my plan. If he wants to, he can wait for me. If he does not, then perhaps it is not meant to be. Needless to say, he never needs to know about us.

But for today Robert, let's just spend this last day together as lovers, and give each other the best of ourselves. Let's remove the hurtful memories and make the best of today - of these precious hours together!

I want to thank you Robert for all that you've taught me, and for all that you've loved me too. I hope, I hope that I least I showed you love too, and how that is all that matters in the end." Jenny said as she wrapped him in a loving embrace.

-"Jenny, you don't have to leave. If you want me to step aside for you an Andrew to start a relationship, I will." Robert said with sadness in his eyes.

-"No Robert, I do have to leave. I need to find myself, and my place in life first."






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