Wonderland XVIII

As Robert walks towards his mother’s house, he is greeted by the music drifting through the open window pane.
He stops for a moment to peek through the window in order to contemplate Jenny playing his mother’s old piano.

Robert stands there feeling like an outsider. He fears that Jenny is inexorably slipping away from him. He files this moment lovingly in his memory, as the melody touches his heart for its pristine beauty, and by the beauty in motion playing it.

He feels that forever he will associate this particular music with Jenny – very possibly his last love.

Very quietly he inserts the key into the door, and lets himself in. He does not make noise at all as he carefully closes the door and walks to stand besides the piano.

Jenny senses him near, as his cologne subtly announces his arrival, yet she does not look up as she is focused on the music notes before her.

-“I was in the mood for this music. It was one of Maude’s favorites, and it somehow makes me feel closer to her.
I remember that almost immediately after she employed me, that she paid a private tutor to teach me how to play the piano. She said that it was for her own benefit, as she loved to listen to music. And also for mine of course, for she said that music nourishes the soul.

Thanks for coming. I know you did not want to say a word at all to me last night after what transpired at the airport, but I think that we should talk and clear the air Robert.” Jenny said in a demure tone. She knew Robert was pissed, and felt she needed to handle this very carefully.

Jenny stood up to walk towards Robert and to embrace him. He stood stoic and unresponsive.

-“Why? Why my own son, Jenny? I knew this moment would eventually come. I just can’t deal with it when my own son is involved. It’s made me sick with jealousy, imagining the two of you making love."

-“I’m very sorry Robert, that you feel that way, but if you recall the original conversation that we had before we became involved, I asked you then - and I reiterate now - that I want you to love me, but please don’t attempt to own me.

If you choose to be sick with jealousy that is a self-imposed mental affliction. If you stop thinking about it, and simply love me, you will understand that I love you, and that I love Andrew too."

-“Do you really think that I would condone alternating sleeping with you, and you turn around and sleep with my own son? That is depraved Jenny. You could have picked any other man, why him?” Robert said with a higher pitch in his voice.

-“He chose me Robert. Perhaps - perhaps we were both vulnerable just after Maude’s death, and we found comfort in each other’s arms. I’m sorry Robert.”

-“What about me? Don’t you think that I needed comfort too when my own mother had just passed away? And now I have to deal with this on top of it?” Robert sat on a chair, and buried his face in his hands.

After a pause Robert says, -“What is this all about Jenny? Is it because you feel that you are walking on shifting ground? Is it because now you don’t know where you stand? And perhaps you feel that Andrew is the best catch?

Of course he is.

But think about this Jenny, he is still very young, and he has wild oats to sow.
On the other hand Jenny, I love you and I offer you to move in with me. Tell me what you want Jenny, do you want marriage? I don’t want to lose you, but I would not share you then with any other man."

-“Robert, as I listen to you, I recall what Myrna said to me when there was a sweet boy who loved me, and wanted to take me away from her. She said that he only wanted to have his way with me, yet it was simply a ploy to keep me enslaved. I listen to you now, and I see the similarities.” Jenny said warily.

-“No Jenny, it’s not like that. Listen to me sweetheart!
Andrew has his whole life ahead of him; he has a bright future. He can find anyone! While you - you are my last chance at true love and happiness Jenny. I love you!” Robert said as he stood to embrace her.

-“Do you really love me Robert? Can you love me above what rules have been imposed on you, and really and truly love me with an open heart?
I love you too Robert - and I don’t want to lose you. When we love so deeply, why do rules have to matter?

While you think about this, know that I have not committed to anything with Andrew. I am a free woman, and I am free to do whatever I please.
If you can detach yourself from your beliefs for a moment and be open to what simply is, then we can continue to see each other. But know that when Andrew returns from his studies, we start to date. I will have it no other way."

-“How can you be so hard Jenny? We are civilized people who adhere to rules imposed by God!”

-“When a dog has been kicked enough times, it will eventually bite back. Where is God when there are catastrophes? Did He look the other way when I was sold like common merchandise to an awful woman, and almost ended up a prostitute?

I’m creating my own version of happiness Robert. I was starved for affection, and many a night I cried myself to sleep with the only comfort was the image of my angel.
Maude became my surrogate mother, and you…you are larger than life to me! I also loved Andrew since I met him, although I thought of him like a brother then. That loved has morphed into something else now.

I love you both.

And I refuse to be subjected to your civilized ways. It’s taken me a long time to see that not everything I was told is the absolute truth. I have had to learn, and shift my views and choose between what is, and what I perceived to be the truth back then. So, why can’t you be a little more open minded?

Let’s just live this moment Robert. Love me tonight - I need you! Who knows if we will be alive next week. Let’s just live the moment Robert.
Come make love to me.” Jenny said as she held Robert's hand, and led him to her bedroom.




To be continued…