I was standing on the corner of Colorado Avenue, and Los Robles, where the Starbucks is.
I figured I had no time for coffee, since I had exactly 57 minutes before I had to go back to my real time. I wondered, could it be possible that I could get a chance to talk to my dad one more time?
At this stage I was open minded to anything, and I hoped againt hope that I had mercifully been granted temporary pass into a window of time - where all is relative - and a chance to redeem myself and make atonement for so many past mistakes...all in the course of less than an hour. My heart caught in my throat; I felt butterflies of anticipation in my stomach, while my pulse accelerated imagining the possibilities.
The people were shoving and moving as if entertained by quicksand... in slow motion. I ran to the middle of Colorado Avenue and started pushing others out of my way as well, as the minutes ticked bye unmercifully. I was acutely aware of this, as if I had a sand clock in front of me to remind me that the present moment inexorably evaporates, like sand sifting through our fingers, to become part of the past.
Fifteen minutes had already passed and the waves of humans did not relent, I was getting apprehensive by this time, precious minutes wasted trying to move through the herd of cattle moving against the tide. Then it clicked! I had my cell phone and I could call my brother in law, he is the one that had brought my dad as well as my sister Paula.
This renewed my excitement, my sister Paula had also come to see the parade! Two very important people to me, who had departed in consecutive years, might just be here – now!
The people were shoving and moving as if entertained by quicksand... in slow motion. I ran to the middle of Colorado Avenue and started pushing others out of my way as well, as the minutes ticked bye unmercifully. I was acutely aware of this, as if I had a sand clock in front of me to remind me that the present moment inexorably evaporates, like sand sifting through our fingers, to become part of the past.
Fifteen minutes had already passed and the waves of humans did not relent, I was getting apprehensive by this time, precious minutes wasted trying to move through the herd of cattle moving against the tide. Then it clicked! I had my cell phone and I could call my brother in law, he is the one that had brought my dad as well as my sister Paula.
This renewed my excitement, my sister Paula had also come to see the parade! Two very important people to me, who had departed in consecutive years, might just be here – now!
I immediately dialed my brother in law’s cell phone, only to get the voice mail. I was so frustrated I wanted to cry by this time, cry or at least shove someone physically who obstructed my path. I felt frustrated, lost and adrift, immersed in this surreal moment.
For a moment my enthusiasm waned; I thought that it was all a game. A wicked self-delusional mind game, orchestrated by my subconscious, due to my lack of proper rest. This was simply a game, and I was being observed with mirth by bigger figures, like those researchers who look down and study lab rats, while these are being tested, blissfully unaware of what they had been injected.
By this time, tears were running down my cheeks, I felt lost, just like when I was six years old and I had walked out by myself. The world seemed then so vast, and my surroundings foreign and I was failing in my cockiness that I could get back home to a hot dinner, instead of being walking about without knowing anyone.
How stupid could I had been to think this was possible, what a cruel joke – on me.
I sat on the corner of the sidewalk and simply slumped, while resting my cheeks on my hands. I blamed myself for so many past mistakes, which I later regretted. Like the one of not enjoying every moment possible with my dad, while he was visiting. Or not keeping my temper in check and eventually confronting him while recriminating his absence while we were growing up, instead of enjoying the moments with him then and there.
After a while, when despair and hopelessness had replaced my previous euphoria, and I simply sat there numb, I saw my brother in law. Perhaps he was the first I saw because the memory of my dad is kind of out of focus in my memory, just a bit though.
By this time, tears were running down my cheeks, I felt lost, just like when I was six years old and I had walked out by myself. The world seemed then so vast, and my surroundings foreign and I was failing in my cockiness that I could get back home to a hot dinner, instead of being walking about without knowing anyone.
How stupid could I had been to think this was possible, what a cruel joke – on me.
I sat on the corner of the sidewalk and simply slumped, while resting my cheeks on my hands. I blamed myself for so many past mistakes, which I later regretted. Like the one of not enjoying every moment possible with my dad, while he was visiting. Or not keeping my temper in check and eventually confronting him while recriminating his absence while we were growing up, instead of enjoying the moments with him then and there.
After a while, when despair and hopelessness had replaced my previous euphoria, and I simply sat there numb, I saw my brother in law. Perhaps he was the first I saw because the memory of my dad is kind of out of focus in my memory, just a bit though.
I jumped up and tripped in my haste, while recipient of a plethora of insults by someone I bumped into, as we both fell to the ground. I sprung up back again swiftly and kept my course, not daring to lose sight of the group. I could make out my dad and my sister Paula as well. By the time I got to them, I was a mess of tears, scruffy looking from falling down on the pavement and wiping the tears from my face with dirty, and grimy hands from the asphalt, and yelling at the top of my lungs for them to stop and wait for me!
.
They seemed surprised to see me in that crazed state, as well as happy to see me. My dad was always ready with a quick smile. I finally reached them and embraced with zealous intensity my dad, and then Paula. I hugged them both simultaneously and could not stop myself from crying and laughing as well.
.
They seemed surprised to see me in that crazed state, as well as happy to see me. My dad was always ready with a quick smile. I finally reached them and embraced with zealous intensity my dad, and then Paula. I hugged them both simultaneously and could not stop myself from crying and laughing as well.
It was difficult to communicate due to the level of noise…yet, I saw I my watch for a moment, and it reminded me that I only had 15 minutes left to summarize all I had kept bottled up inside for almost a decade….all on a paltry 15 minutes.
.
image: Salvador Dali's The Persistance of Memory 1931
