One moment can be worth more than an eternity.
There was no need to waste time with rationale and attempt to explain my disheveled and emotional state. Words are not necessary to emote and simply experience the emotion and intensity of embracing a loved, one long ago thought gone forever more. This emotion is bittersweet considering it is ephemeral, yet so precious to fully utilize all senses and the heart at their full capacity to cherish and imprint in memory this very moment.
It’s said one can’t step into the same river twice, for it is ever flowing, and changing. Perhaps I would not replicate this intensity ever more with anyone else, for we tend to take those we love for granted, and selfishly focus on our own needs and aspirations.
Yet, as short lived an embrace as it was, it was worth every single precious intense second for I felt more alive than ever in my whole life. My body was racked with heartfelt sobs of joy, relief, and simply magnified love for these two people I had not demonstrated my love to, nearly as much as I should have.
For what seemed like an eternity, as if time had stood still to prolong the exquisite joy of the moment, we embraced and told them how much I loved them. Eventually, I had to say something, as time was running out.
I told my father how much I regretted the times we had argued, and most importantly the last time we spoke, when I was in a rush to get to work and I knocked on his bedroom. I said that I had to leave. He had asked me to wait for him to get dressed, while I replied that I have to leave then.
There was no need to waste time with rationale and attempt to explain my disheveled and emotional state. Words are not necessary to emote and simply experience the emotion and intensity of embracing a loved, one long ago thought gone forever more. This emotion is bittersweet considering it is ephemeral, yet so precious to fully utilize all senses and the heart at their full capacity to cherish and imprint in memory this very moment.
It’s said one can’t step into the same river twice, for it is ever flowing, and changing. Perhaps I would not replicate this intensity ever more with anyone else, for we tend to take those we love for granted, and selfishly focus on our own needs and aspirations.
Yet, as short lived an embrace as it was, it was worth every single precious intense second for I felt more alive than ever in my whole life. My body was racked with heartfelt sobs of joy, relief, and simply magnified love for these two people I had not demonstrated my love to, nearly as much as I should have.
For what seemed like an eternity, as if time had stood still to prolong the exquisite joy of the moment, we embraced and told them how much I loved them. Eventually, I had to say something, as time was running out.
I told my father how much I regretted the times we had argued, and most importantly the last time we spoke, when I was in a rush to get to work and I knocked on his bedroom. I said that I had to leave. He had asked me to wait for him to get dressed, while I replied that I have to leave then.
That was the last time I spoke to him for that day he was flying back. He would die a few months later.
In that moment, it dawned on me how much I had sacrificed of my personal life and my family for work, sometimes too much. I could have called in sick that day, and taken him back to the airport, yet, I chose duty before my family. It is ironic that now I tend to play hooky when I feel the need to.
I also said how sorry I was I had not wanted him to come live with me. I loved my independence and did not want my dad to settle in with me. At least not when I was an adult and he had been missing while I was growing up. I said I was selfish, and if I could turn back time, I would have agreed to live with him.
All this not make sense to them; it did not matter. I had a chance to make amends and say a proper goodbye to my father and my sister, and I was grateful for that.
I felt myself losing focus and pulled back to my time frame. When I finally came to the present I reflected that perhaps in my quest for spiritual development, I had to see that I had focused too much on the material aspect of life, and not nearly enough on the people I love, and those who loved me too.
In that moment, it dawned on me how much I had sacrificed of my personal life and my family for work, sometimes too much. I could have called in sick that day, and taken him back to the airport, yet, I chose duty before my family. It is ironic that now I tend to play hooky when I feel the need to.
I also said how sorry I was I had not wanted him to come live with me. I loved my independence and did not want my dad to settle in with me. At least not when I was an adult and he had been missing while I was growing up. I said I was selfish, and if I could turn back time, I would have agreed to live with him.
All this not make sense to them; it did not matter. I had a chance to make amends and say a proper goodbye to my father and my sister, and I was grateful for that.
I felt myself losing focus and pulled back to my time frame. When I finally came to the present I reflected that perhaps in my quest for spiritual development, I had to see that I had focused too much on the material aspect of life, and not nearly enough on the people I love, and those who loved me too.
.
We all need someone to tell us they love us, and to love intensely before we die, for then we would have lived a good life.
We all need someone to tell us they love us, and to love intensely before we die, for then we would have lived a good life.
.
.
image: Salvador Dali's "The Medidative Rose"
